Erskine Returns
by celticfox
Summary: Ten years after Archer's Goon, Howard is once more Venturus, Awful is eighteen, and Erskine has returned. He asks Awful to come with him to farm the world. Venturus suddenly has a very big headache.
1. Mirrors

**Hi, this is Celticfox! I was just thinking that there are far too many Chronicles of Chrestomanci and Howl's Moving Castle fanfics and not enough Hexwood, Eight Days of Luke, or Archer's Goon fics. By the way, if you haven't read Hexwood, read it now. It's my favorite of all her books and it's actually for slightly older readers.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Archer's Goon, sadly. If I did, I would be Diana Wynne Jones, and I would be posting this on my own website, not So please don't sue me.**

Venturus stared ruefully into the mirror. There was nothing he could do about the fact that he was now seven feet tall. The hair was not working out either. At least he was still wearing normal clothes, not some sort of spacesuit. Worriedly he ran his fingers through his long brown hair. Ten years had passed since that day he had climbed the temple steps, and gradually he was having to admit that although he was not quite the same Venturus who had built the spaceship, he was definitely not Howard Sykes anymore.

"Howard!" Awful called, flinging open the door. "Staring at your own reflection again?" she asked tartly. "Honestly, you're as vain as Torquil."

Awful was quite a gorgeous young woman, with long black tresses and piercing green eyes. She hated him calling her Awful and insisted that as she was eighteen and legally an adult he must call her by her given name, Anthea. "Sorry," Venturus told her. "You do know Erskine's coming back today?"

She gasped, shocked. "Oh, I had completely forgotten!" she wailed. "I've probably forgotten what he even looks like! I was only eight when he left!"

"He's still Family," Venturus told her firmly. Erskine was his favorite brother, only five years older than him.

The doorbell rang. Venturus rushed to get it. It was extremely strange, having his own flat, but he was getting used to it. Standing on the doorstep was Quentin and Catriona Sykes. Though well into their fifties, they had an air of great energy. Quentin was a fairly successful author and Catriona taught music. They stared at him. "Hello," Venturus said awkwardly.

"Oh, hello Howard!" Catriona cried, hugging him. "We haven't seen you for ages!"

"Hello son," Quentin said stiffly. Venturus knew why. He wasn't really Quentin's son at all, and had sort of tricked him and Catriona into adopting him when a trip through time had made him a baby again. And at age twenty-three Venturus looked awfully like the wizard Venturus and not the boy Howard Sykes. Actually, he looked quite uncomfortably like Archer, his least favorite brother, the eldest. Same eyes, he supposed. Same face.

A smooth limousine pulled up, music blasting out its windows. Torquil climbed out. He was wearing the Aladdin suit with the turban. People were staring, but of course Torquil didn't care. "Venturus!" he cried. "Erskine just told me-"

"He's coming back, I know," Venturus said, a little wearily. To him and Torquil, it seemed ten months had passed since Erskine left, not years. Time moved differently for them.

Awful bounced out the door, eyes sparkling. "Hi Torquil!" she called. "Haven't seen you recently!"

Torquil's jaw dropped. "Great Scott!" he replied. "Last time I saw you, you were a fat little schoolgirl."

"Well, I am eighteen now," Awful chirped, twirling.

"Great Scott!" he repeated. "I remember when Venturus was eighteen- the first time, I mean. That was when our parents threw us out, come to think of it," he said wistfully. "Said that as he was now legally an adult, though certainly not mentally, we'd all better well fend for ourselves. What brats we were!"

"Yes," Venturus said sadly. "Um- look, Torquil, can I talk to you privately for a second?"

"Of course," Torquil said, confused and anxious. Venturus pulled him into the house, through the kitchen and into Venturus' bedroom. It was not exactly tidy.

"You _live _in this squalor?" Torquil said disdainfully.

"Er- yes. Now listen, Torquil. Am- am I like I was before?"

Torquil eyed him. "Not quite so brattish, limpet boy, I suppose. You do seem to be really trying."

"Oh good," Venturus said fervently. "I've been so worried."

Just at that moment Awful burst in. "Howard!" she yelled. "It's Erskine! He's at the door!"

Venturus jumped. So did Torquil. "Great Scott!" he said again.

**I always thought it was slightly annoying when authors pestered their readers for reviews, and now here I am, doing it. Oh well. Please review. Don't be scared of saying negative things- I won't be offended, and I need to know how good my writing is.**


	2. Coffee

**Apologies for the shortness of the chapter.**

Erskine looked exactly the same as when Venturus had last seen him, of course. Huge feet, small head. He wrapped Venturus in a bone-crushing hug. "Hello, Erskine!" Venturus squeaked. It felt like his rib cage was popping.

"Hello, Erskine." It was Awful. She looked strangely shy.

Erskine stared. He dropped Venturus, who fell with a thump to the floor. He staggered to his feet. Erskine was still staring at Awful.

"Hello Awful," he said in a hoarse voice.

Awful laughed. "It's Anthea, silly. You don't look as big as I remember."

"You grew," Erskine explained.

"So, how was the world?" Venturus asked.

"Interesting." Erskine had not lost his habit of speaking in one-word sentences. "Not like I thought. Big." He was still looking at Awful, Venturus noted with unease. Then he turned to Venturus. "Look normal now. Not Howard."

"Not quite Venturus either," Venturus said with a weak smile.

"Found something interesting," Erskine said abrubtly.

"What?"

"Cousins."

_"What?!" _cried Venturus and Torquil together. _"Cousins?!"_

"Yep," said Erskine. Venturus thought he was rather enjoying the stir he had created.

"Oh, wonderful," Awful said sarcastically. "More of you. Wonderful."

"Come inside," Venturus insisted, "and tell us more."

"Sure," he said, glancing at Awful again.

Quentin and Catriona were seated at the table inside. They visibly started when they saw Erskine. "Um, hello," said Quentin. He did not really like Erskine. Catriona, however, smiled.

"I'll make some coffe," she offered.

"I'll do it," Erskine said. "Remember how." And he made the coffee, grinning from ear to ear. Venturus smiled too. It was great to have Erskine around again.


End file.
